Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You can't special order awesome
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
