The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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