Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
