Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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