There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
