I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
