Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize