youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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