Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize