i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
