I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you never un-have a 4some
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize