I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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