69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
