you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
