I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
