Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i think my cat just said my name.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
