He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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