There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize