It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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