I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
