Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
