I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
