Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize