cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
