Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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