I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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