I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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