p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
