I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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