The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
