Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize