You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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