I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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