I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
