That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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