why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
