We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
