I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize