Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
