I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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