drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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