Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
