sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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