4 words: hood of his car
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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