I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
