Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
