I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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