I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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