How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
