i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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