I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I want is dick and wine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
