I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
