I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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