I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
