the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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