when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
