According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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