Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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