His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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