do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
