I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My feet surprised me
Randomize