Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
